On Solace

I am never alone. And on the very rare occasion that I selfishly insist on being alone, I find myself in the presence of guilt and thereby am still not alone.

I keep listening to the same song…something one can choose to do in solitary while hurting those that we love. Here I sit, at last, alone in my own home, repeating the Foo Fighter’s song “Razor” over and over and over again, all the while asking myself… how did I get here? At this very moment there are thousands that await to be fed, emaciated for lack of companionship, while I, undeservedly I assure you, I am in the presence of at least one other 24 hours a day seven days a week. Where one soul finds isolation another finds solace; how strange that both should occur in the same place.

Maybe the desire one has to be alone is merely an illusion; I question myself, do I yearn for quiet moments that I may hear the sound of my own heart beat...or do I need to hear the beat of another in order to recognize my own?