New home

I am so grateful for my new home.

I used to live in Eagle Mountain, a small city of only 10,000 residents. I enjoyed the quietness. I enjoyed the expansive darkness from above; glittered in starlight I would sit outside at night, paint outside at night . . . it was a beautiful home, a large home, with a magazine worthy kitchen. However, idyllic it may have appeared; it had a plethora of drawbacks – most of which left their impact on the environment. The homes three bathrooms required thrice the amount of cleaning products; the large open spaces wasted valuable resources required to heat and cool the home.

Eagle Mountain is set 9 miles from town, 9 miles through Lehi and Saratoga Springs on a heavily congested two lane road. A trip to town took a minimum of 20 minutes, which stretched to 45 minutes during rush hour. Fuel consumption to and from town, to and from Perrie’s activities and friends, to and from our activities and friends, transportation that is ruining the streets of Lehi with congestion and poor air quality.

The entrance to our subdivision in Eagle Mountain was flanked by two massive stone walls with waterfalls flowing from each.

Our home was modest in comparison to the size of many of the homes that lined our streets.

Embedded in our subdivision and winding its’ way through our neighborhood was The Ranches Golf Club.

The city could be defined in two words – CONSUMPTION and WASTE. In fact, consumption could be the anthem of the neighborhood. Hummers and SUV’s lined the driveways of our streets. ATV vehicles parked in third car garages. Boats parked on concrete slabs. I initially thought my disgust was jealousy; thankfully it was not; as I examined my feelings towards my neighbors and my neighborhood I recognized that I detested everything Eagle Mountain stood for. Under the guise of “progress” Eagle Mountain promises its’ residents “a master-planned community that captures the small-town feel in the midst of Utah’s urban corridor. “ (emcity.org) Eagle Mountain is 40 miles Southwest of Salt Lake and thirty miles Northwest of Provo, with no bus route this means that the majority of its’ residents are commuting in their oversized land-eating vehicles of destruction. (One day I hope we are able to hold car manufacturers responsible for poor air quality as we have held cigarette companies responsible in the past.) Green lawns were required. As was the only fence allotted by the HOA, with a specific height, color and style of wood. The color of which had to be applied within so many days of the fences install to avoid a fine. I had a single strand of Christmas lights in the one and only tree on our property, a tree not much taller than myself and certainly no wider. I left my lights on the tree after Christmas last year, prompting a letter from the HOA which threatened a fine if my lights were not promptly removed; they were kind enough to enclose a photograph of this atrocity in my front yard. Perhaps concentration camp would be a more appropriate title than neighborhood.

I felt as though I were living inside the movie “Stepford Wives”. With neighbors that grinned and waved from their driveways as mechanically as Jim Carrey’s in “The Truman Show”, authenticity was nowhere to be found.

The decision to downsize was easy to make, yet hard to live with at first. Nevertheless, my only regret is that I once believed that living in Eagle Mountain was a good decision, placing my own desires above the needs of our planet – the only true place we can all call home.

I am frequently overwhelmed when I think about my carbon footprint, our carbon footprint, the carbon footprint of our home, myself, Perrie, our animals. Every action I take causes a reaction, every action taken by Perrie and those taken on her behalf cause a reaction. There our consequences to our actions; consequences that I have ignored for far too long.

Yes, we recycle. Yes, we utilize the wonderful website freecycle.org, sharing our unused items and finding items we need (such as a composter and reelmower). Yes, we try to buy organic. Yes, we weakly attempt to buy items locally. Yes, I kept the same cell-phone for five years, resisting the temptation to upgrade until my phone finally went to its recycled grave. Yes, we take in grocery sacks to prevent bringing home more plastic bags. Yes, my bookbag is made of recycled plastic bottles . . . Yet these are merely weak attempts to help us feel better about our consumption, and its consequence.

What we need to do is address each consequence individually. By examining each consequence, and then working back to its origination, we can identify the source of each consequence and work towards eliminating it all together.

For example: the consequence of using furniture polish is an empty aerosole can that ends up in a landfill. The prevention: five lemons and olive oil, in a reusable spray bottle, which now serves as your household furniture polish and a simple salad dressing. Lemon peel composted, landfill avoided!

So this is my new years resolution - one by one I am listing a consequence to an action. As each action is identified I am going to retrace its steps backwards and discover a way to eliminate each consequence, one by one. I am realistic. I would like to say, "tomorrow I am going to go completely green" or "I am going to recycle everything from this point forward", these statements intimidate me, I feel helpless at the thought of trying to change everything all at once. So I am going to change one thing at a time, a gradual lifestyle change of learning to make new choices, better choices. Slowly changing our old ways of thinking. I hope to use my blog to track my progress.

She saw no light at the dawning of a new day. Nor did she see the noon day sun. She saw no glistened haze as the sun began to set. She saw no moonlit shadows fall upon her sleepless bed.

Darkness befell her, no longer saving itself for late night hours; the darkness now consumed her day. She breathed it in. She felt it on her skin. She felt it begin to fill her. Her body now full of darkness too.

All things end. A good book. A good dish. A good bottle of wine.
Some things end that should. Some things end that shouldn’t. Some things end that should have never started.
My search for motherhood has ended. An ending to what was never even a beginning. I was never going to get pregnant. I was never going to give birth. My DNA predestined me to a life of childlessness.
I have accepted this and I am moving forward.
I am now asking that others respect my privacy, respect my decision, and allow me the space to find peace and move on.

Lars and the Real Girl

Lars and the Real Girl was an amazing movie. A movie that reminded me of the reasons that I endure cinema. I love going to the movies, but so often I am left discouraged by countless movies bereft of true meaning and feeling, leaving me empty. I lied in bed that night pondering over the humanity and compassion felt through Lars story, the interconnectedness of his life, his family, his community, and his friends. I was reminded of the importance of kindness and understanding, for both myself and for others. I was reminded of the beauty of others. I was reminded of the human potential to create good. And for the first time, in a very long time, I felt hope for mankind.